It's definitely Monday...

Mariam wouldn't get out of bed this morning....It's Monday

Ava was screeching at me to meet her every demand....It's Monday

I let Ava bring her cereal....with milk in the car and it spilled all over one of the seats when I made a sharp turn...It's Monday.

I was trying to multi-task by eating and posting a sale for the business on my phone, and my bagel with cream cheese flipped over and brushed my hair on the way before plopping on my leg...cream cheese side down....It's definitely Monday

I overthink a lot of things, so naturally that would carry over into my writing style these days. I don't want to overthink everything. Writing is all about thoughts and I want to be more intentional when I write. Earlier this year I mentioned that I want to share more about how I manage a family of 6. What it's really like sometimes. What goes on in my head with a million tabs open, So here goes. Here's Monday morning. Today's picture brought to you by getting some chores done while Ava was watching Mickey's Christmas. Thank you Netflix.

Thoughts on mothering

The girls and H are coming back from Texas tonight. Spending the past 5 days with just Ava here was really good for me. Sure I had to be her all day entertainer but there was a lot of down time to just breathe, to be, to reflect on mothering. Parenting 4 children is harder than I ever imagined! I don't always know what I'm doing, but I try my best and I work myself to the ground for them. Case in point, that sometimes is the problem and I have to remember to not drown in my own storm.

The initial reason I decided to stay back with Ava because I know the progress she had made with sleep could regress. All of my friends tell me that when they've gone on vacation with their toddlers and come back, they've needed to re-sleep train them a bit again. The second reason I stayed back even though I did want to see all the family is because I needed to be a little bit selfish....if it's even considered selfish. I needed to take care of me and I needed this break. I do think I have a healthy balance of getting out with H, or my friends and the junior league and I have a community of wonderful neighbors, and my identity isn't just wrapped up into being a mom, because I'm also a creative and an entrepreneur, but still. I was getting pretty burnt-out. It is some consolation that it's summer and most stay at home moms are literally losing their minds. Ha! 

The issue these days has been that I've been doing and doing...and doing, going through all the motions of what a good mother is supposed to do, but my attitude towards it--my mood, left much to be desired. I was plain tired and overworked. I was getting easily irritated, impatient and short with the girls, and it wasn't good. I even felt bad because I remember there was a time when this was all I ever wanted in life. "God, if I could just be H's wife and have children." How could I be so frustrated when this was all I ever wanted? My neighbor and I were recently talking about happiness in life and she made an interesting point when she mentioned that life isn't always going to bring happiness. It can, but in the ordinary days, it's up to you to create your own happiness.

Contrary to what some people might think, I don't always have it together all the time--nobody does. Life can be hard, messy, disappointing, and stressful. This goes for everyone, and if you're a mother, it's even harder because you not only have to worry about yourself, that worry is doubled, quadrupled, or more. Children don't come with a handbook and I'm a work in progress. I may have 4 children, but I'm no expert because every personality is different! I've gone through the same milestones with my girls, yes I have some experience with children, but my girls are all different! Their moods are different, their way of thinking is different than the other. What I think I may have figured out for one may not necessarily work for the other. The important thing is that I try my best and it's always good to vent to a few caring friends or family. I'm so thankful I also have my faith to see me through and I'm never alone. I truly am blessed with my 4 girls and a loving husband. 

Roses are red....

That's all I got. It's not valentine's day. Currently Ava is screaming in the other room with H. It's a little after 10:00 pm and I'm just trying to catch a small break from the girl's. Every waking moment is usually spent with them. I'm tired ya'll! I love them like crazy but I'm spent. She's refusing to go to sleep this evening and I'm over it. Wish Ava was as happy all day and night like this photo we took yesterday, and while I'm wishing, I wish she slept better as well. I'm always talking about how busy I am, but these past weeks have really taken the cake. Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing this stay at home/work from home mom thing wrong. How is it that I don't relax at all till after they go to bed? That when I lay down my body is as tired as if I had been out all day doing some kind of back breaking work. I wish things were easier. I love this season in life with the girl's being little, and having one in high school but it's a hard season. 

Ps. I picked up this red eyelet dress last week from Target and it's amazing. Super comfortable and the best thing about it is, I got it under clearance for only $8.99! What a steal. It didn't come with a belt. I just added a red ribbon to give it better shape. It's currently unavailable online, but it may be able to be found in their clearance racks. I've linked a few similar below.

Saks Fifth Avenue

H&M

Nordstrom Rack

Talbots

Have a great Wednesday!

JLBR Class of 2017!

Maxi dress {Macy's}

My Junior League provisional graduation was this past Monday and it was so fun! Excited that I'm now an official active member. Our fall class put in tons of hours towards meetings, trainings, and community service. Joining the league was a great decision, and I'm grateful to have my husband's support all the times I had to be away and thankful for the friendships I've made through the league. We were supposed to wear red but my dress was more like coral. Oh well. It's ok to be different! A few of us got awards. I was given "groupie award". Apparently I attended the most meetings out of my class. #dedication lol.

I actually didn't have anything red I wanted to wear that day so I headed out to Macy's with the kids and found the perfect off the shoulder maxi dress on sale. Score! I just love a good deal and I didn't even have to hem it. That's a huge plus in my book.

Have a great Wednesday!

Tales from the trenches

That moment when you're strolling through Target and the baby is asleep and you had given the 2 year old your phone this time so she keeps her cool while you shop in peace. You're almost done shopping, then you see the baby start stirring. "Uh oh." You freeze. Oh good she's quiet again....Nope. Never mind. There goes the crazy arms followed by that unmistakable howl of a hungry baby that stops everyone in their tracks wondering whose kid that was. But what does one do? You contemplate making a beeline towards the fitting rooms to nurse , or just abandoning ship and head to the car defeated. Or.....maybe you can just sprint through those last few aisles, wildly throwing the last few things you needed in the cart all while the baby is screeching acting like she's never eaten before! You go for the latter because Lord knows you didn't go through all this trouble for nothing! You leave, get everything and everyone loaded in the car and the baby gets fed in the parking lot before having an epic meltdown.

Phew. Crisis averted. Till next time...

6 week sweetness

I'm not sure if it goes faster with each kid or what, but it's like I blinked and Ava is 6 weeks old. 6 weeks old! Good grief. I know, I know, I'm like a broken record with this saying, but I just can't believe how fast it's going this time. Faster than the other's. I guess it's because she's been pretty easy and I've been in newborn heaven. Come to think of it. It didn't go that fast with Mariam. She was colicky and tough for the longest and it felt like she was a baby forever. Pretty sure with her I was in a hurry for her to go through the tough phases quick. 

Ava is chunking up quite nicely. I feed her on demand and she likes to nurse a lot. She still sleeps a ton and goes through her nightly routine of off and on crying between 9 and 11 pm. She refuses to go to sleep before 11:30 pm. That's ok though. Just gives me more time to snuggle her uninterrupted.