Tuesday, March 5, 2019

Ava sleep update & why my situation needs to change

I wish I could say that at 3.5 years Ava is finally sleeping like a normal child. I wish I could say I'm finally feeling rested, but I can't, because I'm not. Ava is still waking up at night several times a week. Sometimes it's the whole week. She was doing good for awhile in November and December, and then it got bad again. The week before last, she woke up 8 days in row and would patter over to our room and climb in our bed. Last week she did better and had 3 nights in a row where she didn't come to our room. Then she was back at it again. For the past three nights though she has stayed in her room. I've been telling her that I'm locking my door and she's not allowed in--but I have yet to do that. I am going to start though and if I hear her, I will walk her back to her room. I used to be good about doing that, but I got lazy and I was letting her climb in and stay.

Imagine being sleep deprived for over 3 years, and having to parent 4 kids who all have various needs, and busy schedules, and you're still trying to run a business, and be a good wife, mother, sister, friend. It's enough to make life feel really really hard. 

At 3,  Ava is also extremely needy, clingy, and bossy. She doesn't nap during the day, and it literally feels like a 24 hour cycle of Ava especially when she won't sleep through the night. It's been making me increasingly agitated, and overwhelmed and like I'm losing the joy in motherhood. Last Wednesday I cried myself to sleep and the next morning I was still really sad. Something needed to change. I needed to change my circumstance.

While I've had it on my mind since last year, I hadn't planned on it until the fall of 2019, but it can no longer wait. I registered Ava for pre-school and she starts today! I'm no longer nervous, I'm excited! She'll be just about 5 minutes away at my top choice. Several of my friends have children that go there and I know Ava will be in good hands. While I was hoping to have her in a 3 day program, they didn't have it available this late in the school year, so she'll be going just 2 days a week for now from 9-12 pm. It doesn't sound like much but it's a start and during those times I'll be dedicating my time to my business FHJ Baby With Ava not sleeping good for the past 3 years, it really affected my time and motivation that I used to have. In the beginning it was hard to come to terms with it, but in the past year I made peace that this is the way things are, and eventually I'll get back to being able to put more time towards the business--at least like I used too. I'm a mother first and foremost, but I'm also a person with dreams and aspirations of my own. I believe that when we feel fulfilled in our own lives, that carries over to our children and our loved ones.

Have a great Tuesday!

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