I really should be in bed already because we all know Ava is going to wake up in a few hours and disrupt my sleep as she does night, after night, but my mind is still feeling pretty active right now. I'd probably be working, or just be laying in my bed watching season 2 of Crown right now, so now is a good time to get some thoughts out.
This year I've decided not to make any resolutions. Last year I said I was going to relax more and let things go and here's what happened. I went the complete opposite of that. I was the opposite of zen. Zen was nowhere to be found. I was in fact worse than ever. I over scheduled and over committed myself. I took on my hardest DIY projects yet. I became even more OCD about keeping the house clean and company ready. Everything had to be handmade and homemade and while I love doing all this stuff, I truly do, I was becoming fanatic about it sometimes. When you're dealing with children, you can't always control them like you think you can, or get them to do things your way. They're these loud, lovable things that have minds of their own. My nature normally gravitates towards peace and quiet but I also have a type A personality. So crafting or cleaning, or making things beautiful is me being able to control things again.
So while I'm not making any firm resolutions this year in my personal life, I have already made some changes. I'm remembering to just take deep breaths again. I am relaxing more. I don't want my girls to feel like they have to be perfect and do all things perfect. That's not what life is about. They don't now anyways because they are still little (minus Serena) but I don't want them later on down the road to be so hard on themselves like I am on myself. There's so much more to my story that makes me who I am, and has shaped me into being capable of all that I do, but there's things in my past I'm just not comfortable sharing on the internet. It is what it is, but what's awesome about life is that it keeps going and you never know just what's around the corner. Each day you wake up is a chance to do better and be better. Aside from being manic mommy at times, 2017 was really good. I'm excited about what 2018 is going to bring. There are new goals I've set for my business and I'm excited about seeing the plans come to action.
So if you've been a reader for the past few years--thanks for sticking around. I've shared a lot of pictures in the past, but there's not been a whole lot of personal posts. I want to write more about what goes on in my head and share more things about the beauty and the hardship of struggling to be your own person and be a mother to several children.
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