Thursday, February 16, 2012


Last night my heart felt heavy. So opposite from the day before when my heart felt full and joyous. I think this is the way of God talking to me and trying to tell me something. They say if you have everything you need yet feel something is missing, it's usually a closer relationship to God.

He is in my life. Always has been but I admit I have not always been the greatest christian. Sometimes I'm prone to having a sharp tongue, being impatient, vain, and insecure at times. I've always felt there is two sides to me but I suppose most feel like this since we are constantly walking down the line of good and bad.

Last night as I was carrying Layla into her room to the glider, I started thinking about how pretty soon she will be walking and talking and how our nighttime routine will change. It will all go by so quickly and I worried about whether or not I'm being the best mother I can be too her. Whether or not I'm giving Serena enough attention. How it will be when she's a teenager. (I am dreading those days). Worrying about my shoulder hurting forever. Worrying about how I come across to people. Worrying about not making all my dreams a reality. Worrying about the right dreams.

I rocked in that glider for a good while worrying. It reminded me of when Layla was nestled in my womb. After a previous miscarriage I worried constantly that the pregnancy was going to go wrong.

You see I am a champion worrier.

I do think I've improved over the years but something crept into my heart last night and it lead me to the old passage I used to read when I worried about Layla.

“Then Jesus said to his disciples: ‘Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?’” (Luke 12:22-26)
That passage helped me so much in time of worry. Today I turn to it again. I hope that if you have worry in your life you find comfort in it.


  1. That passage is one of my favorites :) I have read it (along with Psalm 34:18 - "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.") many times when I have been overcome with worry. I truly think God does it to remind us that he's still there and to bring us a little closer. I sometimes think to myself about the many don't even have food, water, or shelter and realize I'm complaining about staying late at work and realize how ridiculously lucky I am. I hope you feel better soon and I'm positive you're doing a great job with your girls!

  2. What an awesome passage! There are times when I wasn't a very Christian either, but I know God is always there for me! :)

  3. I need God in my life more too. Everyday is a constant struggle to avoid gossiping and cattiness. I need to be the best examples for my kids!!

    Love your passage:)

  4. I am actually a convert Christian just last year. I was Catholic before then, grew up and was raised Catholic. I always had this connection with Him but I've drifted away and was quick to blame and question Him when things didn't go the way I want them to. It was early last year when tragedy strike my family, one after another. I was left very anxious about what else was going to go wrong. I read books about anxiety and depression only to give those up and somehow realized what I really needed was this closeness with God. I searched for a church and found one, a Christian one. I took beginner Christian classes and meanwhile working on getting comfortable that I could be accepted and welcomed back into His arms just like that. As a former Catholic, it felt like I somehow needed to first say a litany of Hail Mary's and other prayers. But I did feel it's where He wanted me to be. And I felt home, and I found peace. I learned to trust that He was still in control of my life, no matter how chaotic it seemed at the time. I now realize the chaos from last year was God calling me back to return to Him. HE is truly amazing! Now that things are comfortable in my life again, I feel like I am slacking on being a good Christian. Thanks for this post. It's a good reminder. I hope you find that closeness and peace that you are looking for.
    Thanks for sharing the passage. It hits home for me. Sometimes it's easy to get caught up on material things.

    Michelle (Nestie: Turtle143)