Wednesday, January 29, 2014

That old feeling..

Has up and left the building. What old feeling you ask? I haven't talked about it much because there isn't much to talk about since it's completely crazy, but not really irrational. Happens to most women, but shortly after having Mariam (third baby mind you), I was already missing my baby bump. In fact I hesitated when people would ask me if my husband and I would try again for another--perhaps a boy since we have all girls. I would say no "we're done", but it wasn't the truth. However the truth was partly for the wrong reasons. 

I loved being pregnant. Sure I had morning sickness, fatigue, aches and pains, worries, a bout of infertility, a miscarriage, but I loved being pregnant! There's nothing like hearing your babies first heartbeat, feeling them move inside of you and then bringing them into the world. Nothing. Of course childbirth isn't always easy on the body and there can be lasting effects, and babies are only babies for a short period of time. 

I also felt most beautiful pregnant. I felt healthy, I felt full of life. No trying to constantly gain weight since it came naturally, no feeling scrawny as I sometimes do. I felt the most womanly I could possibly feel. I felt empowered and more head over heels in love with my husband knowing I'm bringing a child of ours into the world. 

A couple weeks ago at 14 months postpartum while driving home from the grocery store, I realized I no longer miss my baby bump, I no longer miss being pregnant. This is a good thing. I am happy for this. I am happy with my three and my life. I feel life would be madness for me adding another baby in the next couple of years. However I have not ruled out completely another child--ever. I cannot say what my feelings will be when Layla & Mariam are 5 and 4 and no longer babies, but for now I'm taking it year by year. 

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