Friday, January 27, 2012

My decision to stay at home.

Today I'm linking up with I pick pretty to talk about my decision to stay at home. I haven't been at it long enough where I've come across being asked what I do yet, but I think staying at home isn't an accurate description of "what I do". Read my occupation under profile, I am many things lol.

I also am working on other things but we'll get to that in a minute. Let's start at the beginning..

My father is a pretty old fashioned guy. Always has been. He immigrated from another country with a mind set that life is a lot work and it is. He came from a family of 9 and my mother came from a family of 8. Good ole hard work was instilled in both of them from a very young age. That in return was instilled in my brothers and I at a very young age. My mother was also an entrepreneur so I had to help her in all her business's. Needless to say I started working at a very young age.

I had Serena when I was barely 20. I was still working full time and going to school ( I did alot of online classes). I also started playing soccer again, and she went with me to just about every practice and game.

 My mind set was always that having a child is not an excuse to not fulfill your dreams. Sure it's harder but doable. I understand though that some people do not have a good support system and that makes a world of difference. Early on I wanted to work for the FBI in narcotics. I wanted to help fight the war against drugs. Through a friend I was able to get a job as a drug screen collector at a small clinic. No it's not as important as it sounds. I was basically doing office work, handling urine, and swabbing cheeks for DNA samples. The clinic was eventually bought out by another drug testing company and they took me along with them. No more collections, I was now on the corporate side of it and our main clients were oil and gas companies and their contractors. I worked my way up the ladder and when I left, my position was account setup supervisor and I had also recently been made head of the distribution department. I had quit before I took over that role though. The title and money were not enough to convince me to stay, and somewhere along the line, my dream of working for the FBI dissipated. We need money to survive so we have to do what we have to do, but one must not lose focus of what's most important which is love and family. Sometimes I would lie in bed feeling like I haven't accomplished all my dreams yet and thinking time is running out, but I try to remember that when I die, there may not be books written in my honor or plaques with my name on it, but I'll die knowing that I had God, a great love in my life, and children to carry on my name.

Up until 3 years ago I always said I couldn't stay at home with kids. Climbing up the corporate ladder, and having the means to buy what I wanted, when I wanted was pretty important to me. Honestly I'm not always the most patient person, but I have come a long way. My mind set changed right around when my husband and I decided we wanted another baby. We purposely waited awhile but we thought we had the choice. We didn't know second time infertility was looming in the distance. As I mentioned before it took us almost 2 and a half yrs to have Layla and that included one miscarriage.

Even though I was only 7 weeks along I was heartbroken and I took it hard for a long time. So after I got pregnant with Layla, I knew that I was the one that was going to be raising this child. I wanted to stay home while I was pregnant but financially we weren't ready. By December 2011 when Layla was 7 months, we were ready. I had a 4 month maternity leave when she was born so I was only away from her for about 4 months.

Honestly it's one of the best decisions I have ever made. I do not miss my job that I had for 8 yrs at all! Being able to watch my girls grow is such a blessing. I am currently working on a few business endeavors but all that allow me to work from the comfort of my home and I'm pretty excited. I am trying to take it easy and not let it cut into any time with my girls. Again, I am still new at this and the impatient part of me is learning to relax and let life unfold. I am also quickly learning that this is the best and hardest job I've ever had. There are basically no breaks, and no leaving the office so to speak. Well When Layla naps or both girls are asleep then I get some me time.

If you are still reading this, hats off to you. I know it's practically a novel. I want to point out that there is no right or wrong way to raise your children. Whether you work or stay at home. I've been on both sides of it and you have to do what's best for your family.

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